Friday, March 6, 2009

Corporate KoolAid

Oh admit it, at one point or another we've all received some kind of cheesy, lame ass bit of "motivation and appreciation" from our employer. Be it a mug emblazened with the word "Quality", a sunglass holder with your corporate logo on it, or the distinction of being named "Accounting Employee of the Month" in a department of ten people so you knew your name would come up at least once a year, we've all been there.

And those three examples I gave? I have personally lived through all three. And about a hundred more. Can I interest you in some t-shirts? How about a lapel pin? No? Nobody?

So a few weeks ago, there was a big rah-rah announcement that we were changing reward programs! If somebody further up the food chain catches you doing extra good work, well then, by golly, you'll get points! They'll just whip out their stash of point cards and reward you on the spot! With points! Points to recognize your superlative awesomeness! And did I mention the points are on a card? Because everyone loves a card! It's all wacky and fun and impulsive and it TOTALLY makes up for the fact you're not getting a raise this year!

The sound track in the back of my head was on a steady loop: kill me, kill me, kill me, kill me...

Today I received a Card of Recognition for 500 points, I'm not sure if it was to thank me for being superlative or if it was for being awesome or if it was just for showing up every day, but whatever, it was given to me. It made my bowels cramp, but on the bright side, I figured now I could go on-line to the Points! Redemption! Site! and get in some heavy mocking time.

And discovered I could receive "In Defense of Food" by Michael Pollan for two hundred points.

I really hurt my jaw when I dropped it on my desk, but I was in shock. I could choose something COOL as my reward? I ordeed it right away, of course, and then clicked around the site, where other way cool things are waiting for me, just waiting for me to redeem my Awesome Points. For the first time in my career, I am actually impressed with a corporate reward program. I, umm, actually want to earn more of these points if there is such cool stuff involved.

But I still want my raise.

1 comment:

ilex said...

Gah! Don't be sucked into the corporate rewards program! Even if it does involve Pollan books! They are only using you as a pawn to help their 'global economy' recover, and it might lead to moving further away from the agrarian DIY socialist end-goals we handcraft-anarchists are finally seeing to fruition!

Ok, I kid. Ok, only partly.