I have mentioned before how much I crave Being Alone. Periodically, I need a few hours by myself to recharge my batteries, to simply exist in absolute silence. There are usually three impediments to these luxurious hours: Husbandly One, Son, and Step-Son.
First off, don't misunderstand me about Son: I am a non-custodial parent (through my own, gut wrenching, selfless choice) so I am ALWAYS thrilled when he is here with me. All I'm saying is that sometimes my time with him occurs when I would otherwise get Alone time. (And the weekends when Husbandly One is around and we could have "Blended family time", something I consider very important? Well, those somehow end up being the weekends that Son is not here.)
ANYWAY, my weekend with Son ended a bit early this afternoon, as he had plans with his father, my Ex-Husband. (Plans I totally supported, by the way)
So one down, two to go.
Husbandly One needed to drive Step-Son three hours away to an international airport so Step-Son could catch a flight to Portugal. They are still gone, and THIS is why I am actually getting alone time.
See, usually, when I AM alone, I know someone will be walking through my door at any unknown second. I can not enjoy my solitude the way I usually do, because I never know when it will end, if you see what I mean. Could be in six hours, sure, but it couls also be in 19 seconds.
I know my Son has gone back to his dad.
I know Husbandly One won't be back for at least three hours.
And I know Step-Son won't be back for two weeks.
Therefore, I am officially ALONE until 5pm today...possibly even longer, but at least I know how much time alone I can 100% count on.
And, this feeling? It is wonderful.
I feel like my veins are no longer filled with normal blood, but with crystal pure water. I feel lighter and more creative. I feel giddy.
Want to read a book? Go for it. Want to take a bath? Knock yourself out. Want to crack a beer? Why not. Want to do some laundry? Strangely, YES, because no one is breathing down my neck about it.
Don't misunderstand me, I do not want to live my life alone, I need love and interaction and conversations and arguments and family jokes and excursions and kisses and debates. But I need this, too.