Forget gray hair, butter is what makes you old

I started going gray when I was 25 years old. I remember Daddy visiting me in Alberta when I was 28, and he seemed kind of down. When I finally asked him what the hell his problem was, he stammered, "Well...it's just....I'm not ready to see My Baby with gray hair....it means I'm old..."

And I was all, "Hello? YOU were almost completely gray at thirty, the few strands you see on MY head isn't because you're old, it's because you gave me bad genes, you moron." And he cheered up right away.

But seriously, Internet, I need to ask you about butter as it relates to aging. Up until six months ago, I could eat butter and simply enjoy it. Now, whenever I do -- be in on a roll at dinner or on popcorn at the movies -- I experience the weirdest senseation about two hours later, it seems like the butter comes back to haunt me by flooding my mouth with a gross, buttery, greasy saliva. Yeah yeah, I'm sharing too much, blah blah blah. But WTF?

And no, I'm not talking about indigestion, the feeling seems to originate from within my mouth itself, I have no problem with my digestive tract (like heartburn). Just this bizarre squishy flooding directly in to my salivary glands. Guh-ross.

Does anyone else out there have any idea what I'm talking about?