Food, from opposing views

The Outside Diner in me reports: Tonight Husbandly One and I tried a new restaurant. A restaurant with escargots on the menu.

Now, my love of escargots is long, deep, and well documented, but you would not believe how difficult it is to find good escargots in this day and age. (We eat out on a regular basis so I am qualified to say.) Seriously, dude, if I wanted a big plate of greasy, melted cheese with a few overcooked snails at the bottom, I would have ordered it.

Surprisingly, the escargots I had tonight were divine. Actually, they were beyond divine: even as we speak, new religions are being organized, simply to sing their unending praise. They were flavourful, they were garlicy and lightly curried, they were NOT drowned in curdled cheese. And where did I find these miracles? The farking KEG.

The Inside Diner in me reports: Tonight is garbage night at our house. I opened the fridge, thinking I would throw out my usual half onion and one expired cup of yogurt, no big deal. Then I realized that my (usually careful) grocery shopping over the last week had not matched our family's schedule in any way. I threw out an open container of cold cuts, with exactly one slice missing, but which we apparently opened at the dawn of time and left uncovered to dry out.

I threw out an entire pack of EIGHT cups of yogurt which, umm, I must have bought quite a while ago because the expiry date was at least three Garbage Nights ago. I threw out four apples that I don't even remember buying. I threw out two pounds of rare, delicous fresh fiddleheads (a true delicacy) that I purchased in honour of my BFF coming to visit ten days ago and then never cooked for her. And the carnage only got worse from there.

Next week, I'm going to save time, not bother to buy nutritious food, and just place $60 in the garbage. The end result will be about the same, plus I'll save time by not having to shop.