Sunday, May 18, 2008

Do you know when I love yardwork the most?

When I'm not frigging doing it, that's when.

Every winter, when I'm shovelling snow and waiting for either my hernia or heart attack, I pass the time by grumbling to myself. Stupid snow, if I wanted to be using a shovel, I'd be in my GARDEN. I delude myself that gardening is easier that shovelling... by February I pretty much believe it, and this year especially I had more than the normal number of brainwashing sessions with myself, thanks to the ninety four thousand snowstorms we had this winter.

April comes. I no longer have to shovel, instead I simply have to wait for the snowbanks to melt. The ground is too wet (and, umm, too under the snow) to work, so instead I repeat my annual ritual of reading my many gardening books. By the end of April, I am like a heroin addict who knows her next fix will be in three weeks, or once the ground warms up. I NEED to play in the earth, to plant, to add compost, to pull weeds. Need it like a physical thing.

And then days like today come along, my first real chance to get out there and play hardcore. Hmph! Turns out this gardening thing really sucks and I just keep forgetting it. Today I added compost to my flower bed; pulled rocks out of the expansion to the bed; spent half an hour trying to dig out a rock which was bigger than my first apartment; pissed off a BUNCH of hornets who were, apparently, quite attached to that rock; replanted my morning glories; planted all my annuals; and dug up all the weeds under my pine tree. So far so good, all of that only took three hours or so.

But, remember me? The chick who lives to feel a trowel in her hand? I decided I hadn't done enough and started to start digging out the dandelions.

Now, a word about the dandelions. We have lots. In fact, I believe we have all the dandelions in God's creation. That same meteorological trick that ensures all our neighbours leaves end up in our yard in the fall, ALSO ensures any wayward dandelion seeds from their yards end up on my lawn.

As it happens, we are actually planning to re-grade and re-seed the front lawn this year, which is why I am weeding with such fervor. If I have to start over, I certainly want to get as many weeds out ahead of time, while I can dig them up without really paying attention to the damage I'm doing to the lawn overall....after all, in a few weeks we'll have a NEW one.

Well, I spent three hours digging those suckers up, I have two garbage bags full...and other than the occasional divot in the lawn, you'd never know I had done anything, I am STILL looking at a sea of yellow. My arms hurt, my back hurts, my ass hurts. And, YAY, I get to do it all again tomorrow!

Next time I say I love this shit, slap me. Hard.

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