Monday, October 5, 2009


I leave on my trip to Spain in just over two weeks, and how I feel about it seems to change daily.

A few days ago I was in freaking out mode, and sent a panicky email to my best friend: "Omigod, are we NUTS? Whose brilliant idea was this, anyway? We're going to diiiiiiiiiiiiiie! Die of blister related injuries!"

By the time she received the email the next day and wrote back to try to calm me down, my mood had changed. "Screw it. We are going to OWN this thing. Bring it on!"

Sigh. New day, new mood. I'm just....quiet. Granted, I am currently more scared of this journey than I have ever been, but still, it's quiet. I know I am doing this, there's no turning back, but I am scared scared scared. What if I fail? What if I get hurt? What if I don't have the spiritual epiphany I am hoping for? What if Husbandly One doesn't miss me? What if....

These questions, and about a million more, keep running through my head. But, you know what? I think this is part of it. I think doubting myself in a calm way (as opposed to frantic freaking out) is something I'm supposed to do, something that will ultimately make the end result sweeter. It isn't pleasant, but it also feels right.

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